Past or Present: Where do you live?

Hello, friends!

How's your Wednesday going? I did a big thing yesterday and cut my hair off! It's super super short now. No non-awkward selfie pictures yet, but as soon as I get a good pic, I will be sure to share!

I fell off the bandwagon a bit recently, but I'm back today to real talk with my blogging bff Tamara, who is hosting a thought provoking link up for the next forever -- 30 topics in 30 weeks, inspired by these two articles about things to do for yourself and things to stop doing to yourself.

Today's Topic:

Past or present: where do you live?

This one doesn't quite speak to me. Except for when I've just gone through a big change -- graduation, a break up, a death, etc -- I'm pretty good at not living in the past. Or if I do something stupid, I typically dwell on it a bit. The real question for me right now...

Present or Future

I am about to graduate. (again.) I don't have a job yet and don't know in what city or state I will get a job. I don't know how long I'll keep working where I'm working -- technically I have till the beginning of August, but I may leave before then if I get a job. So I'm spending a lot of time applying to jobs, worrying thinking about the future, and planning all of my tomorrows.

Also, I have an awesome trip coming up, and one of my bffffffs is getting married in November and I get to be her Maid of Honor. So I'm also really looking forward to both of those things and spending a lot of mental/thinking time there, too.

I know that when I move to the next thing, whatever that may be, it will be hard. Even if I love it, it will be a challenge. (Or at least, it better be. How else am I supposed to learn?) And I know that I'll look back at this position and remember how confident I was in my abilities. Remember how much I love living in this house with Pat. Remember my classmates and the security of being one of a cohort all learning together. So I should enjoy it while I'm here.

The real battle is to stay here.

In my last capstone class, with all of my cohort meeting for the last time before we graduate, our professors asked us each to give our classmates some advice for going forward. One of my classmates said,

"Be where you are, when you are, where you are."

So I'm going to try to do just that.

Where do you "live" -- Past, Present or Future?

Facing your problems

Hey friends!

Today is the second week of the 30 Topics link up! If you missed it last week...

My blogging bff Tamara is hosting a thought provoking link up for the next forever -- 30 topics in 30 weeks, inspired by these two articles about things to do for yourself and things to stop doing to yourself. Because I know everything Tam does is awesome, I decided to participate.

And today's topic is based on the first two pieces of advice:

Stop running from your problems and start facing your problems head on.

I tend to put off some of the difficult things.

Sometimes, I don't think I can help it. Anxiety is a beast, and sometimes I don't have it in me to do things. So I procrastinate and push stuff off another day another day a n o t h e r d a y.

But mostly, I find that when I do finally do that thing I don't want to do, there is relief. There is closure. There is the feeling that even if I didn't do the thing perfectly, or even to the best of my ability, the thing is done and it's not a rain cloud over my head anymore.

Sometimes, I just have to remind myself that I'm doing the best with what I have and giving what I have to give.


OTHER TIMES. Other times I wish I could get my problems over with. Like this whole finding-a-job thing. Wouldn't it be great if I could find a dream job and have it already lined up, I don't know, like yesterday? So that is one problem I would LOVE to face head on. But it's filling a water bottle from a  from a leaky faucet with a slow drip and I'm getting there with each little drop. Someday. Someday. Someday.


I think life would maybe be easier if I could face everything head on. Get it done now. But as a human who requires a lot of time to think and to process, I am not sure I would be happy in that world, a world where I don't take the time to consider my solution and act on it before coming up with alternatives.

Are you a slow processor? Do you face your problems head on?

Who do you spend your time with?

Hello, friends!

How's your Wednesday going? I'm happy to be halfway through the week that Pat comes home! He's my favorite human to spend time with :)

Which is a GREAT transition to today's post. My blogging bff Tamara is hosting a thought provoking link up for the next forever -- 30 topics in 30 weeks, inspired by these two articles about things to do for yourself and things to stop doing to yourself. Because I know everything Tam does is awesome, I decided to participate.

And today's topic is based on the first two pieces of advice:

Stop spending time with the wrong people and start spending time with the right people.

This topic is actually quite timely for me, as I am trying to sort through some friend feelings right now. And feelings are the worst.

Over the years, I've had a few friendships that aren't so great for a little while. One of us does something to hurt the other's feelings, or one of us drops off the face of the earth for a long time. Sometimes I'm the bad guy in these scenarios, and sometimes I'm not. But, mostly, we've always gone back. There has almost always been a final push to say, hey, you're really important to me, and I want you in my life. And then we've rebuilt a healthier relationship.

So currently, I'm struggling with a friend. And it has been probably about two years of not-great friendship. But recently I took some steps to repair it. (based on the logic that someday, I'm going to get married, and I always pictured this person at my wedding. maybe dramatic, but it pushed me to pick up the phone.)

Already, though, I'm feeling anxious about this relationship. You know that cheesy saying, don't make someone a priority when you're only an option to them? I have always kind of rolled my eyes at that one, but it's pertinent to this situation, I think. I have felt like an option for so long. A back up plan. I don't want to just be an option anymore. Because that's not how I operate, and it hurts when someone treats me like that.

So how do you know when to cut the cord? When to wash your hands of someone and move on?

The inspiration article says, "Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth."

I hate the idea of giving up on someone. I love people, and I still love this friend. But trying to force a relationship when it makes me feel crappy and anxious? I don't want that either.

What do you do when both the relationship and the idea of giving up make you feel bad?


I don't really know where I'm going with this. This whole post is probably vague and obnoxious. But I guess I'm curious --

Have you all ever had a friend who made your heart hurt, but you couldn't let them go, either? What did you do?

Sometimes I'm anxious

A lot of my family has issues with anxiety. Lately it's been hitting me more than ever. (Maybe has to do with Pat being gone + busy work life + busy school life + bad dentist visits + job searching? MAYbe?) Here's what it looks like for me.

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
I procrastinate. I fall into an internet wormhole and don't look back until I'm so deep I can't see the sun anymore. I waste much of my day on websites that don't mean anything to me and things that don't matter and then panic when I have not done the Things That Need To Be Done.

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
I eat because I know it will make me feel better, even if later it will make me feel worse.

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
I just try to tackle one thing. ONE THING that I'm anxious about. Whether it's done well or not (and usually, in this situation, I think it's not...), it's DONE and I can be done being anxious about it. Unless...

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
I worry about all the what ifs. What if I didn't get that part just right? What if they hate it? What if they read it wrong? What if they can tell I have SO MUCH ANXIETY about this and know I procrastinated 50 years before sending that email? What if they're pissed it took me so long? What if they send an angry email back?

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
it feels dizzying, exhausting, and I get sick to my stomach.

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
the room gets warmer and I can't breathe and I end up thinking I might have a panic attack, and once I think that, I'm practically guaranteed to have a panic attack so I rush outside or to the bathroom and try to breathe deeper, breathe slower, convince myself that breathing is easy and normal and I can do it.

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
I can pinpoint a source of that anxiety, know what's happening and why and just get it over with so that I can feel better.

Sometimes when I'm anxious...
I don't know what's making me anxious. There might not be a "why." It's just a big ball of dread in my stomach that I can't stop.

............................................................................................

I think the biggest misconception about anxiety is that there's a cause you can pinpoint, one thing that you can do and get it over with and then the anxiety will go away. Honestly, that's the kind of anxiety I hope for when I start feeling anxious, because if it is that, I can fix it. But sometimes, you think it's that and then you send that email or have that conversation and you realize, nope, that wasn't it, and you're left looking for the cause still.

But I'm not sure there always is a cause. I think sometimes it's just everything. I get overstimulated and need to retreat. And maybe my anxiety is my overstimulation, maybe it's when I've had TOO MUCH and need to get away. But I can't always do that. That's life. So I'm learning to deal.

Do any of you suffer from anxiety? How do you deal?

For the Kids, part two

Guys.

GUYS.

Remember a little while ago when I posted about the fundraiser I'm participating in? No?

Well. It's a twelve-hour, dancing-or-standing-or-zumbaing-or-shuffling-but-not-sitting-marathon that raises money for Children's Miracle Network.

I got involved this year as an adviser and have been blown away by the amazing students working to give children and families the emotional and financial support they need. I started raising money so that the kids who receive help from the Children's Miracle Network get a chance to grow up and be college kids and turn into inspiring, passionate adults like the ones who have impressed me so much working for KU Dance Marathon.

Know what else blew me away??

Your amazing support. When I registered, I set a goal of $175, thinking it would be difficult. Because life is tough and the economy isn't great and it's hard to send money to a charity when you're wondering how you're going to get gas for your car (I know that's not just me).

But you guys. You guys got me to my goal a full two and a half weeks early.

It has been so humbling. It has been so incredible. Seeing the people I love give to this cause reminded me why I love them and why they're so awesome and reminded me why I'm so lucky to have you in my lives. (Cheesy? Yes. True? Absolutely.)

Earlier this week, I raised my goal to $225. Again, I realize this might not happen. But I didn't want to stop there. If we can find another $5 for the kids and their families, that will be a success. If you're able, please consider donating here.

Thank you to all who donated. I'm so, so fortunate to know you all.

For the Kids,

Slow. It. Down.

Graduation is fast approaching... except not really.

Do you guys ever get trapped in the planning-for-the-future-and-forgetting-the-now wormhole?

For a while, I've thought I kindof sortof knew what life would look like come May and the end of my student career at KU. Not the exact job, or the exact home, but a state, a region, a fuzzy poloroid of what my life would look like. Due to a series of events, though, my potential future has suddenly shifted ever-so-slightly and now I want to spend Every. Waking. Second. planning for a future that isn't set in stone yet.

(Besides, when is anything ever set in stone?)

But there's so much good in store before then. I need to sloooow dooooown. I need to be here, now. I need to stop bugging Pat about what's going to happen, stop looking at jobs I can't apply for yet and stop looking at puppies I can't adopt yet.

There are still days-weeks-months-half a year before graduation. And there will be so many great things in those times. Promise.

Like crunchy leaves blowing across the sidewalk.

Like my favorite student coming by my cube just to say hey.

Like the first basketball game of the season tonight.

Like hot chocolate and warm blankets.

Like Thanksgiving home with my family and a fire in the fireplace.

Gotta keep my head in the game or all these beautiful, joyful, wonderful moments are going to blow by me and I won't even have noticed.

Do you guys ever get stuck thinking about the future? Any sure-fire tricks to slow your brain down?

For the Kids

Hi friends!

Last week, I posted about my job and why I love it.

Today, I wanted to share with you an awesome opportunity I've had this semester.

Dance Marathon is an organization/event that takes place at universities across the country. KU Dance Marathon strives to provide emotional and financial support to the children, and their families, of KU Pediatrics, our local Children’s Miracle Network Hospital. KUDM hosts fundraising events throughout the year. These efforts culminate each November, when more than 500 KU students unite to stand on their feet for 12 hours at Dance Marathon.We stand because we can, for kids who can’t.

I joined KUDM as an adviser this year and have been so impressed, so inspired and so amazed by the dedication of the students in this organization!

Talking with one of the Dancers about the miracle children they've met is like talking to a mother about her children. Many of them have been involved in KUDM since they started at KU, and it has changed them. Knowing these children has given them each an incredible heart for serving others and extraordinary passion and dedication. You can see it in the way they talk with each other, in their every action, and in the spark in their eye when they're working on KUDM.

As I talked about last week, I am studying to work in colleges and universities, helping students grow, change and become the best versions of themselves they can.

I am fundraising and will be standing for the kids so that each of them can have the opportunity to reach this incredible period in their lives -- so they have the chance to grow up, to make awesome choices and terrible choices and explore the world and figure out how they fit in it. I'm fundraising for the kids and standing for the kids so they can have all the opportunities I've had and all the opportunities I haven't.

I know there are a million good causes out there, and I know everyone's finances are tight right now, but I hope you will consider supporting my participation in the KU Dance Marathon 2013 event. All contributions will benefit my local Children's Miracle Network Hospital. Any contribution will help, and all donations are tax deductible.

If each of my Google followers donated just $1, I'd meet my fundraising goal. If you can spare even just a dollar, I hope you will.

You can find my personal fundraising page here or by clicking the new badge on the side of my page. If you're local, consider becoming a dancer yourself! The event / celebration is November 9 here on the KU campus, and we will be standing and dancing for the kids from 10-10! It's guaranteed to be a great time.

Thank you all for reading!

For the Kids,