Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Speaking the same language

Have you guys ever heard of the five love languages?

They've been floating around my brain forever. Ok, since freshman year of college when I first heard about them.

They were created/discovered/explained by a marriage counselor named Gary Chapman. The basic idea is that all people express love--in all relationships, not just romantic ones--in one of five ways:

Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Quality time
Acts of Service 
(think about your dad checking the oil on your car)

And often, the language you express love in is the same language you like to receive. So if you speak the gift-giving language, a small gift might make you feel more loved than all the hugs in the world.

So I've known about these for a super long time, but I never tested or really experienced the theory.

Enter boyfriend.

Pat and I do NOT speak the same love language.

I am pretty definitely Words of affirmation. When someone compliments me, I can glow and cheer up thinking about it 3 months later. Likewise, insults stick with me foreeeeverrrrr. I leave lots of notes for Pat and constantly am using words to express my feelings.

Pat... He's not so big on the communication.

When we first started dating, our mismatched languages bugged me. I felt like I never knew what he was thinking and worried that I was secretly annoying him but he'd never tell me and felt very unsure of where we stood.

I utterly failed to pick up on the ways he was showing me that he liked me.

See, Pat's language is Physical touch.

Alright, friends. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Pat shows me he cares about me aaaaaaaalllll the time, but not in the ways I was used to.

When we play games (he on his Xbox (Playstation? idk...), me on his iPhone) he stops between games to poke me or put his hand on my leg.

When something exciting happens, he'll grab my arm while he asks if I saw it.

Every time we drive anywhere, his hand is always on my leg.

But I was missing all these cues for a long long longlong time. I just thought that's the way couples were. That he was doing what any boyfriend would do.

It eventually hit me that Physical touch is Pat's language. Duh.

Have you guys ever heard of the love languages? Do you think you fit any of the categories?


Jacy said...

Great blog!

Funny! I was just thinking of this today.... I am SOOOO a words of affirmation person and my boyfriend isn't... so, we are trying to meet in the middle ground. When he says something, HE REALLY means it... he doesn't spew off stuff, so when he does compliment me, I love it :)

My boyfriends is touch too... hahaha! I'd love to know a man whose language isn't touch :)

Rachel said...

I'm words of affirmation, which is hard when you're a teacher! It's amazing to figure out other's languages and surprise them!

Shauna said...

Very interesting! I think I'm either Quality Time or Physical Touch, and my husband is Acts of Service

Leslie said...

I had never heard of this, but it's SO true!! I can think of different people in my life who fit each and every one of these categories.

I'm definitely a Words of Affirmation girl like you, I need reassurance and kind words. Because as soon as someone insults me.. it consumes my thoughts for ages!! What a great post!!

raechelmary said...

I'm so glad I stopped by and saw this post! My husband and I read the love languages book during our pre marital counseling right before our wedding. It helped us learn each other's love language and has made quite a difference! :)


Jess @ Blonde Meets World said...

AH! Loved this post!
(Oh, and hi :) new follower here).

I first heard about these recently from one of my co-workers. I brought them up to my boyfriend and we were discussing how we were similar and different.

I am DEFINITELY an Acts type of person. I think he's more a mix of a couple.

I love discussing surrounding these!!

Sarah Smith said...

I love this post! I'm new to your blog (and the blogging world really) but can't wait to follow you!!


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